Covid-19: A forced journey into the subconscious...

Updated: Sep 5, 2020

It all started out with a mention of a new virus taking hold in China. People were dying of this New virus pretty rapidly. We were seemingly unaffected by what was happening in another country, even though we are inherently connected to them. I'll speak for myself when I say, I kept thinking that the US has to be ahead of things, surely it won't ever make it here. But regardless of what I told myself there was still an underlying feeling of fear starting to take hold. My reality was beginning to shift.

Then in what seemed like over night our entire worlds changed. We were aware of the first few cases in the US and the number was growing quickly. Soon we were shopping for all of our necessities to hunker down in the event this was going to "get real" but the sad truth was, it already had. What we didn't realize and probably still don't realize is that this virus was here months before we caught on to it. It had plenty of time to spread itself throughout our country without us paying much attention. My generation had never seen anything like this before in our lifetime and fear began to wrap its insidious fingers around us in a grip so tight we had to allow it to swallow us whole before it began to loosen its hold. And guess what, that's okay, all of it is okay...Some of us freaked out right in the beginning, others took a week or two after quarantine to crumble and others still haven't allowed themselves to process the full extent of their feelings behind this pandemic. Denial just seems like a much safer place to come from when the very chance of our survival is at stake.

What I've realized in quiet communion with myself is that it doesn't matter how we handle or cope with this pandemic personally. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this. This is uncharted territory for us all. What is important and necessary is the fact that we NEED to feel ALL of it. Give ourselves permission to break down, to lose our shit, to be in denial, to rest, to be angry, to feel grief and not hide ourselves anymore. So many of us have gone through life not allowing ourselves to be seen and this is the perfect opportunity to allow all of our messy parts to show, giving ourselves the relief of being witnessed and accepted for it all. Why now? Because all of us are going through it! What better excuse than this to really embrace our madness! To really unleash our emotions and give them the freedom to be expressed. I encourage you to get real with yourself and real with those you love and surrender to your emotions. Learn how to become a skilled surfer in the waves of your own feelings.

We are more connected now than we have ever been in our recent past. I'm not talking about physical connection obviously but a spiritual connection. A connection that calls to somewhere deep within us all. One we all somehow understand its language and the message its trying to send us. This roller coaster ride of an experience has been forced into our realities as a TIME OUT for us to integrate deeper with ourselves. To merge all the pieces of ourselves that are scattered around in time. To become whole. This is your permission to quit worrying about everyone else! This is ample YOU time.

We have to be willing to dig deep and uncover pieces of ourselves through all of this...a journey into the subconscious if you will. Share ourselves authentically and I mean in a genuine way that isn't taking into account what other people will think. There is no better time to de-clutter our hearts than now. No better time to explore our shadows and our light. This is the time. We may never get this opportunity in our lifetime again to slow down like this. To really tune in.

(As a side note: Covid-19 is affecting the lungs of people. The lungs represent grief you guys. What have you not grieved? A job? A dream? A loss? A part of yourself? Maybe the planet herself is grieving and wants all of us to know about it! Just food for thought.)

As you begin to move forward in the days or weeks to come, if you are willing, maybe try something different the next time you go to react to something you see on social media.(I say social media because let's be real, its all we have right now! lol.) But seriously, ask yourself: What is this doing for me? If it's having to post something that seems relevant to the current pandemic. What is your true intention of posting it? Do you really NEED to post the info? Why?...If it's conspiracy theories that you find accurate in your own world...ask yourself? What does it do for me to post this information? Is it a small measure of false control I'm trying to exert over the entire situation or just so I can say I told you so in the end? Is it actually for awareness or merely a distraction from being with your own fear? All valid questions...Now don't get me wrong and trust me when I tell you I've only come to these questions because I've asked myself these questions. I too am guilty of conspiracy theory rabbit holes, ones that have taken me months to recover from. So I share my wisdom with you openly. I've done a 360 with conspiracy theories and while some of them may not be wrong. What did they do for me? For me it was a way to control in my mind the reality I was faced with or denying the reality I was faced with. It was two fold. Only you can determine what it means for you, if you so choose to. Time will tell what the truth is and we have to trust ourselves to know when it's time to act. Until then...what is it doing for you?

So basically what I'm saying is that our intention right now is what matters! What are you projecting out?! Is there an undertone of fear or is it love? And while it's okay to feel whatever you need to feel, is it necessary to project it outwardly or is that just a way for you to not have to feel it alone? All of these deeper darker questions that don't ever get asked because some of us are simply reacting. Pause. Breathe. What is your intention really? Dare to ask why you share what you it to help others? Or help yourself feel better? And if so, what are you avoiding? Perhaps you could simply say "I'm scared" and see how that goes...Peel the layers.

I know these words won't make me many friends but I'm willing to take that risk right now. And besides who would I be but a hypocrite if I didn't actually speak what my truth and experience is with this whole pandemic situation. I know my intention. I know my mission. It's to spread awareness and not awareness of others but awareness of ourselves. It's to take us deeper into ourselves because everything else is just noise and distraction. This is the journey of those who truly want to walk the path toward enlightenment. We need to expose all things that are not of light and transmute it within ourselves before we can carry that out into the world. Otherwise what we think is our intention is really coming from a place of unconsciousness so just be aware. We need to be willing to see behind the veil of denial, distraction and busyness. Yes it's exhausting and there is usually no break but you find the balance somehow. So be brave and think: What questions do I refuse to ask myself? Ask them now! Maybe start a journal. Communicate with yourself. Get to know who you really are at your core.

If you are caught tight in the grip of fear like a lot of people are right now, are you willing to reach out to someone who can hold that space for you? Help you work through your fear and uncover the strength that lies beneath...or do you want to continue reacting instead of responding? Reaction is so much easier I know. Either way, you choose. Your life is your responsibility. Own that.

This entire experience has been challenging for us all and some of us are just getting by through the use of reaction and denial and that's okay. I'm speaking to the ones who know this is deeper, who know there is something more that needs to come from all this. You know who you are. Like I said before there is no right or wrong way to deal with a pandemic. We are all in this shit show together. Just know that if your usual ways of coping have stopped working for you it might be time to go within and just sit in stillness, as uncomfortable as that might be, its crucial. Be in the present moment right now. Be in your body completely right now. Be in touch with your inner landscape so you can act from a place of intention and integrity. Understand that if you have your breath and health right now you truly have everything! Know that however you are going to cope with this situation is entirely up to you and disregarding any feelings that come up might not work anymore. We have all been forced into this 'dark night of the soul' for a reason. Learn why.

Know that you have an option and you can choose instead to turn toward yourself for guidance, for truth, for light and for trust but we must get still first. We must learn how to be with ourselves fully, the light and the dark. We will get through this together but apart. Each of us doing our own personal healing so we can rise from this stronger and wiser, more certain of who we are and what role we play in this world. Each and every single one of you, even if I don't know you personally, I love you. We are strong, We are united, We are healthy and We are safe. Let this be your mantra as you navigate the new waters into the unknown world we all have ahead of us. Peace, Healing & Love to you all.

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